Earning Orgasms: They Don’t Come for Free
“Little is understood about what actually happens to our brains during orgasm – but … scientists say that the orgasm affects more than 80 brain regions. Almost every part of the brain ‘illuminates’ during the orgasm — starting with pleasure centers associated with the body and spreading through the whole brain.”
“ Excerpt taken from the Daily Mail: First MRI scan video of female orgasm shows how activity lights up EVERY region of the brain.
I usually have something to look forward to for the weekend. There must be birthdays to attend, gimmick parties some clubs throw, drinks with random friends, or even art shows. But it was Friday night and there was no meeting reminder on my phone.
So I called Tim, 25, an economist I had been dating for a while now. Not long after, he dropped by from work with take-out Thai food and rented DVDs. It was oddly romantic to have dinner while snuggling on the couch and watching brainless rom-coms.
“I love how they always portray the protagonist couple as the best in bed,” I told Tim while getting up to get a fork. I gave up on my chopsticks.
“It’s the fantasy of every woman: a perfect relationship that comes complete with perfect sex,” Tim said. I got back on the couch and pulled the blanket to my chin. I noticed that Tim had stolen a piece of prawn cake from my plate, or two.
“You men are always taking, never giving, lah” I shook my head while reciting some Singlish.
Tim must have missed me pointing at the plate, because he replied, “At least we’re not those girls who always pretend to feel happy about whatever they get, lah!”
“Hey, where did that come from?” I nudged him with my foot as he was smiling widely.
“Well, I don’t know about you, since you never date a girl before, but I’m so done with women who are so sexually passive and submissive that they might as well be blow-up dolls,” he explained. Clearly the conversation wouldn’t be about the prawns from then on.
“Maybe it’s due to their experience with other guys, who just loved to do it their way,” I said, trying to get Tim to say more.
“See, I think this is pretty universal in my circle: we guys know how to take care of ourselves when necessary. And over the years, we get pretty good at it. If we want to get intimate with someone, it’s less about ourselves and more about the interaction with our partners, really.” Tim poured himself a drink.
I handed my empty glass to him and said, “I guess that explains why too many women complain about their lack of orgasms, while guys never fail to get it every single time. Do you think most women are that passive in bed?”
“You’ll be surprised by the number,” Tim said, gulping some tonic water. He picked some pieces of lemon from his glass and put them in mine. He then told a story about his friend who hooked up with a sexy car model, expecting a steamy night out, but only rewarded with a “dead body” over the course of the night.
We agreed that women often over-compensate their bedroom participation with dramatically revealing clothes, especially at night clubs. So, you could pick the most “adventurous” looking girl and still end up going home with a walking corpse.
“You see, men are always expected to assume the active role in the bedroom. And if you’re active during sex, you can have control over your pleasure and you can communicate your preferences very clearly. This is why men rarely complain about ‘bad sex,’ because it’s pretty much in their own hands. Now, many women, on the other hand, just lie there, waiting for us to finish. And that’s exactly the problem. You can’t just expect your partner to do everything and get it completely right. So yes, I’m also tired of hearing women complain about bad sex. It’s partly (maybe even mostly) their own fault,” said Tim lengthily.
I realized that sex often stays as a taboo thing in our Indonesian society, which in turn negatively affects people’s mindset about their roles in the activity.
It’s a shame that sexual liberation is still seen as “degrading” for women, despite its gravity in women’s lives. It is important to understand that without the willingness to explore their sexuality, women are more likely to get the short end of the stick.
After all, orgasm is such a tricky place to reach.