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The country lost a former first lady earlier this week — Hasri Ainun Habibie, the wife of former President BJ Habibie — who is remembered for her gentleness and enormous devotion to her husband. Her funeral attracted throngs of onlookers and media workers anxious to give her a fitting final farewell and show her family that she would always be remembered with great affection.

At the same time, Habibie graced us with a rare and much-needed show of emotion in front of the broadcast media (and the entire country, come to think of it) through his genuine and sincere display of love for his wife.

I say rare because, let’s face it, when it comes to covering stories, we in the media tend to dwell more on the stomach-churning, the macabre and the distasteful rather than give up airtime for some touching and fine sensibilities based on true love. It is a much-needed display too, because at the end of the day, we could all do with a bit more tender loving care coming in our direction.

Stories of never-ending devotion, sincere but heartbreaking displays of grief, overt though not effusive expressions of love for someone, these sketches became news items in themselves, not only because the people in question were the country’s former president and first lady, but because for a change we actually dealt with genuine human emotions that have not only been hard to come by, but for reasons I cannot fathom are normally discouraged.

Witnessing how Habibie kissed and caressed his deceased wife as he bade her farewell for the last time after half a century of never spending a day apart and, listening to testimonials of the couple’s relationship, of unwavering romance and constant holding of hands, no doubt many women wonder if their husbands would display a fraction of Habibie’s expression of true love when their time is up.

Certainly Habibie would be remembered not only as the president who loosened the shackles on the nation’s media, who let East Timor go and whose genius bordered on the slightly manic and somewhat cuckoo, but also as someone who was genuine in his actions, unmindful of his mannerisms and unabashed in showing affection to the woman he loved. Habibie is a wide-eyed character who is not afraid of ridicule or criticism, and expressing his true feelings.

This indeed is a rare and refreshing trait in our society, which seems to react vehemently against things pertaining to human affections, expressions of love and appreciation of beauty and fine emotions. Kissing and public displays of affection, even between married couples or lovers, are generally frowned upon by society.

Expressions of gratitude and appreciation are rarely heard, whether at home talking to the spouse, the children and the housekeepers; on the streets and other public places where politeness should be a given; and of course on the television screen, the purveyor of a wide variety of over-the-top and mostly negative emotional outbursts.

Instead, we willfully surround ourselves with rude behavior and base emotions in our daily lives. We are quick to judge, sneer and put down but are slow to extol, praise or express appreciation. It is easier to point out what we consider pornographic in cultural or artistic expressions than to find elements of beauty, creativity and harmony in things we can admire.

We cringe at the sight of lovers expressing their feelings and their desire to be close to one another, and yet barely bat an eyelid when people display cruelty to animals or treat children as objects whether at home or at school.

I could never understand why we tolerate a bunch of thugs, with or without turbans, who damage public property and intimidate the ordinary person on the street without so much as the authorities lifting a finger to arrest them or stop them, and yet the same authorities find the zeal and the energy to censure so-called improper behavior.

Notice, for instance, the case of Alterina, a man suffering from a sex chromosome disorder. Instead of focusing on the fact that there’s a woman who loves him, accepts him and has married him despite his condition — an admirable example of how love is blind and knows no boundaries — Alterina was sent to jail for falsifying his ID because he was wrongly registered as a woman. As if being jailed in a body with abnormal characteristics wasn’t enough, he is now also being jailed for supposedly breaking the law.

So who gains from this tragic incident? Nobody, except those who find their life’s meaning through judging and condemning others. For these people, expressions of true love are beyond their understanding.

 

Desi Anwar is a senior anchor and writer. She can be contacted at www.desianwar.com and www.dailyavocado.net.