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Anjar Dwi Astono is about the most honest guy you’ll ever meet. His life story makes it easy to understand why this Catholic-turned-atheist-turned Catholic once again would make for a great lecturer. Today, Anjar talks about growing up in gangs in Yogyakarta, his life as an atheist and why it’s more difficult maintaining one’s religion in Jakarta.

What’s it like being an atheist in Indonesia?

I really liked being an atheist, but some people hated me. I had my own motivation for being a nonbeliever, but because in Indonesia atheism is regarded as a forbidden sect or organization, I felt insecure revealing that I was an atheist. But I had friends at school who were also atheists and we would hang out together, read books together and discuss it. However, we would never tell people we met that we were atheists.

Why did you quit your seminary?

Some people said I lacked obedience, that I wasn’t listening to my rector, but I argued that this was my expression of freedom of thought. In my opinion, obedience doesn’t mean that you blindly follow the directions of your rector. You can think, right? That’s why we studied philosophy, and philosophy made me think about atheism. I entered the seminary in 1998 and they sent me straight to the Philippines for two years to study English and literature. After I returned from the Philippines, I quit the seminary and began studying at the Driyarkara School of Philosophy in Jakarta. It was at that time that I became an atheist. I graduated in 2004, the same year that I rediscovered my religion.

So philosophy turned you on to atheism?

Yes, but for the first two years in the seminary I was studying theology as well. When I changed schools, I just focused on philosophy.

How long were you an atheist?

Four years.

So you were an atheist and now you are a ...?

I felt dry within when I was an atheist. I judged everything by right or wrong, black or white, I never looked at the gray. I’m Catholic now. There were so many battles in my head and eventually religion won out. But my wife’s still agnostic [laughs]. We met in the philosophy gang. I was born Catholic in a Muslim city; it’s a good combination.

Where’s that?

Demak, 25 kilometers north of Semarang. My father raised me with a really strong hand. If there was something I couldn’t do, he would beat me. The house was like a jail. And then I moved to Yogyakarta.

How old were you when you left?

I was 10 and my sister was 12. I lived with my grandma. It was my first taste of freedom. I was a jerk, I wandered Jalan Maliboro, hanging out with gangs. After school I went straight there and I wouldn’t come home until two in the morning. I was free to do whatever I wanted; gang fights, drinking alcohol, selling drugs. I pierced my ears. Can you imagine a 10 year old doing that? I was a small kid, black curly hair, fighting with big guys, but I had a lot of friends. But at the same time I went to church every Sunday. It’s like the mafia in Italy, you know, we kill people but we still go to church. I was searching for something different. On the streets you feel insecure but in church you feel safe.

Really?

I went to my church because I had a different set of friends there. I had my gang friends and I had my church friends. I’m not ashamed to say I was a bad guy. You have to share your experiences, that’s what life is. Now, if I meet a small kid selling drugs, I tell him, ‘You can’t do this, you’ll end up dead.’

Do you know any outright atheists here in Jakarta?

Just my friends who were in the philosophy class with me. They’re atheists because of their educational background.

So would you say that the more educated you are the more apt you are to be an atheist?

Yes. I think that’s the point. People nowadays neglect the existence of God because of their work or because of money or business. The existence of God is something illogical but our education always emphasizes using logic. That is the problem with education, especially in Jakarta.

What? Why Jakarta especially?

Because in Jakarta people like to work. Jakarta is more sophisticated and provides so many facilities, like malls and bars. If we’re exhausted with work, we can hang out there. We never hang out in a church or a mosque. We are too tired to go there.

And now you’re a lecturer?

Yes, at Bina Nusantara University [Binus]. I teach a character-building course as part of the university’s general studies. I’ve been there since 2006.

As a professor who lectures on religion, do you feel that Jakarta is as tolerant as it says it is?

Tolerant? I don’t think so. There are numerous riots because of religion. Every Ramadan the FPI, the Islamic Defenders Front, raid bars and shuts them down. It’s the organizations that are the problem, not religion. And most FPI members are not educated. Look at the difference between the educated and the uneducated. Those who are educated go to work and those who aren’t are jealous of them.

Will you teach forever?

I’m happy being a lecturer. I teach at Binus University, Global Jaya and Santa Ursula schools, but I’m not part of the system. I just feel like a servant at the school, not the master. I don’t have a sense of belonging. I’m still trying to figure it out.

 

Anjar was talking to Zack Petersen.