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I have never felt the need to have children. All my life, I have half-waited for the mystical visitation of this thing called the maternal instinct - but it never came.

But, unlike friends who fall on either side of the baby divide - those who must have children versus those who swear never to have them - I have been happy to occupy the middle ground. Just because I don't feel the need to have kids now does not mean I will not have them later.

The first sign that this was not going to be so was when I was diagnosed 12 years ago, with endometriosis, as well as a retroverted uterus; both of which might make it harder for me to conceive and carry a baby to term. The doctor looked at me poignantly and said: 'If you want to have children, you should think about having them sooner than later.' Ironically, she added that pregnancy and childbirth might also 'cure' my endometriosis - a controversial theory believed by some doctors, but refuted by others.

That was when I realized that Mother Nature can be a bitch. Here I was, determined to control my decisions. And there she was, telling me in no uncertain terms that my body preferred to have babies early, whether I liked it or not.

Well, I didn't like it one bit. I said to myself, if I ever decided one day to have a child, I could always adopt. Surely the millions of orphans around the world deserve a loving home no less than one's natural-born children.

But how late in life should a woman wait to become a mother?

I have been thinking about this lately, with all the talk about Singapore's falling birth rates, aging population and rising army of singles.

A close friend in her late 40s is trying to have a baby with her husband, and we have been supportive of their attempts - from nature's way to in-vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments and now to surrogacy via an egg donor. If these fail, they will adopt a baby. Parenthood, after all, is about parenting, regardless of where the child comes from.

What could turn out to be a bigger hurdle for them - and for other older women who choose to be in the family way - is society's ageist attitudes towards motherhood. Even though people are living longer and leading healthier lives today, the idea of a woman in her late 40s and 50s having a baby is still considered unbecoming and selfish.

We have been programmed to think that older people should be looking forward to grandchildren, rather than children; to retirement rather than a life of nappy changes, midnight feeds and play dates. And, oh dear, they shouldn't even be having sex.

The latest New York magazine offers a fascinating glimpse into this issue in its cover story, 'Parents of a certain age'. The cover photo, of a naked and wrinkled silver-haired woman cradling her very pregnant belly, is already a litmus test of one's biases. My brain immediately registered the flyaway thought, 'That's just not right' before I stopped myself to ask, 'Why ever not?'

The report details the experiences of several women who chose to become mothers in their late 40s and 50s. Some did it by IVF, others through egg donations or by adoption. All were successful, well-off women who had supportive husbands. And all had various reasons for becoming late mothers. Some had put their careers first. Some just waited till they found the right man. Others already had children from other relationships, but wanted kids from their new marriages.

The report also noted that they were not alone. In the United States in 2008, about 8,000 babies were born to women 45 or older, more than double the number in 1997, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Of these, 541 babies were born to women aged 50 or older - a 375 percent increase. Since 2008, birth rates among women overall have declined 4 percent, possibly as a result of the recession. But, among women aged 45 to 49, they have risen 17 percent.

In Singapore, similar figures bear testament to the fact that more women are having babies at an older age. Last year, more than 60 percent of babies were born to mothers aged 30 or older. And almost one in four (23.6 percent) of the 37,967 babies born here had a mum aged 35 or older. This is almost double the 12.7 percent of babies born to older mothers in 1990, according to figures from the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority.

The Government has also recognized this trend. In 2008, it revised Singapore's total fertility rate (TFR) from 1980, to count women up to 49 as being of child-bearing age, compared to 44 previously. Doing this raises the TFR slightly, and brings it in line with the TFR demographics of other developed countries which usually include women up to 50.

Also in 2008, Singapore started subsidizing assisted reproduction technology treatments such as IVF at public hospitals, to help more older women to conceive. In order to be eligible for these subsidies of up to $3,000 per IVF cycle for a maximum of three cycles, a woman must be married and below 45.

There are, of course, health risks that come with late pregnancies. Premature babies can develop complications. After 40, a pregnant woman is likelier to suffer pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes and hypertension, which can result in the death of the fetus and the mother. But there are, increasingly, fewer reasons to doubt that older women are fit enough to become mothers.

The New York magazine cover story cites a Boston University study which showed that women who gave birth after 40 were four times more likely to live to 100 than those who did not, because a healthy reproductive system is linked to longevity. The study adds, however, that older people who have kids also take care of themselves and, therefore, live longer. They also tend to be wealthier and are better able to handle stress than a younger mother. Because they would have already built their careers, they would also have more time for their kids.

While it would be ideal for most women to have babies when they are younger and more energetic, one should not discourage the minority who choose to do so later. What would be more productive is to break down one's stereotypes of what an ideal mother should look like, and support women who choose motherhood later in life.

It may take society a while to get used to seeing a wrinkled new mother. But the sooner one does, the more encouraged women may be to have more kids, on their own terms, at their own pace.

Reprinted courtesy of Straits Times Indonesia. To subscribe to Straits Times Indonesia and/or the Jakarta Globe call 021 2553 5055.