A Frank Talk About Sex — Online
Katrin Figge | September 15, 2011
Sex psychologist Zoya Amirin, left, is set to launch a series of frank video podcasts dealing with sexuality co-hosted by television personality Chantal Della Concetta. (JG Photo/Yudhi Sukma Wijaya) Related articles
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465634Indonesia is such a backwards country that even sexual education is scorned. Any country that preaches abstinence instead of safer sex is doomed to being sexually abnormal and a hotbed of STDs, sexual confusion and shame.
Support her site but expect it to be shut down soon. Indonesia is a sad, sad country.
Arok - as with the whole muslim world if googles porn download list is used as a guide...
“It’s ridiculous,” Chantal said. “Some men in this country want to see women totally covered up, but at the same time they watch porn and are drawn to women who dress sexy.”
Nailed it.
Good luck about spreading the birds and the bees theories to the young viewers. Stand up for your rights should the religious zealots in this country would get in the way of progress. Usually those who opposed are the most perverted and sexually incapable of performing normally.
Furthermore, those who have personal issues with sexuality or family usually seek the religious imams or preachers instead of consulting a psychologist or a family counselor. Eventually psychotherapy may help improve the mental stability and performance. Religion may not help 100% those who seek an alternative way to improve mentally speaking. Those who seek the religious advices made efforts instead in alienating love ones who may have an understanding of their situation in dire needs.
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As a young girl, Zoya Amirin was very close to her mother, sharing everything with her. But as she matured and started to develop a curiosity about sexuality, Zoya found herself desperately seeking some answers.
There was barely any dialogue about sex education in Indonesia at that time and certainly no professional female sex therapists to turn to.
As an adult, Zoya earned a degree in clinical psychology from the University of Indonesia, where she is now a lecturer. She is the only woman certified as a sexual psychologist in the country.
Earlier this month, Zoya launched a new Web site — zoyaamirin.com — where she hopes to reach a wider audience, using the site to spread information about sex and give advice on how to lead a healthy sexual lifestyle.
In starting the first sex education Web site in Indonesia, Zoya feels a huge responsibility resting on her shoulders.
“According to [psychologist] Abraham Maslow’s theory, sex is a human physiological need, the same as air, water or food,” Zoya said. “Of course, a person can still survive without having sex, but they can develop an imbalance or even mental disorders if they don’t find sexual fulfillment.”
The Web site will feature a regularly updated video podcast called “In Bed With Zoya.” For the 15-minute video clips, Zoya recruited the help and expertise of her friend, television personality Chantal Della Concetta.
“We met in 2009 when we were chosen as two of Indonesia’s ‘Most Inspiring Women’ at an event organized by Yves Saint Laurent,” Chantal said. “We have been good friends ever since.”
Chantal was excited to be a part of Zoya’s new project. “Since I’m a TV presenter, we thought it would be good to team up,” she said.
The format will be simple: Each week on the podcast, Zoya and Chantal will discuss a topic related to human sexuality — the first episode, dealing with myths and facts about sex, will be shown on Sept. 29.
“Zoya is the star, because she is the expert,” Chantal said. And by having Chantal on board, Zoya hopes to make the video less formal, helping the viewers feel closer to the hosts.
“It’s not just the usual question-and-answer talk show, but more like a conversation between friends,” Zoya explained. “We want to keep it casual, but at the same time informative, with scientific facts. Since we only have 15 minutes, everything must be compact and insightful. But everything I say during the show is based on science.”
In addition to the responsibility of making the videos, Zoya is excited about the challenge and the potential impact she can have on Indonesia’s young generation. She says the videos are targeted at anyone over the age of 18.
But in Indonesia, it’s still considered taboo to talk openly about sex — something Zoya hopes to change, along with the general perception of Indonesian women.
“It’s ridiculous,” Chantal said. “Some men in this country want to see women totally covered up, but at the same time they watch porn and are drawn to women who dress sexy.”
In addition to the video podcast, Zoya’s Web site also features a blog, and will include a free online chat service, which is still a while from being ready.
“I am working together with the Ministry of Health for the chat,” Zoya said. “We want to give sex and porn addicts the chance to talk about their problems.”
Zoya said there are actually a number of sex and porn addicts in Indonesia, but most of them would never consider seeing a psychologist, out of shame. “I hope that the online chat and my free counseling will get them to be more open,” she said. (The criminalization of pornography in Indonesia is another factor, but one she can do little about.)
Zoya and Chantal are aware that a topic as sensitive as sex is likely to evoke some negative reactions — but they are no strangers to controversy.
Last May, Chantal appeared in a photo spread for FHM magazine, causing some heated discussion because of her provocative poses in lingerie. But the TV presenter brushed the criticism aside.
“What, I am not allowed to be sensual? I don’t see anything wrong about that,” she said. Zoya has also heard her share of hateful remarks.
Zoya was an expert witness in the highly controversial pornography case against Nazril “Ariel” Irham, the lead singer of pop band Peterpan whose private sex videos were uploaded to the Internet. Convicted of breaching the pornography law, Ariel was jailed for three-and-a-half years.
Zoya defended the singer, who was accused of distributing the material because of a sexual disorder.
“But if that was really the case, he would not wait for a couple of years to express his exhibitionism,” Zoya explained.
“And by that time, [as an exhibitionist] he would have felt euphoria or have had several orgasms because everybody was watching his tapes. But Ariel was very depressed and stressed and there was no sign of him suffering from exhibitionism.”
Though her intention was to present her professional opinion on the Ariel matter, Zoya said some people misunderstood her intentions and accused her of defending, or even promoting, pornography.
“People immediately judged me and my family,” she said.
“It was pretty bad when the whole story happened. They said bad things to my parents, which was really upsetting — it’s quite ridiculous, since porn is not the way things are in real life. Nobody is always horny and no woman starts to moan or feels aroused when a man has been touching her for one second. Women need time!”
In addition, Zoya regularly receives crude e-mails treating her as if she were a porn star. “I can’t tell you how many times I get e-mails from random men sending me a picture of their penis,” she said.
In situations like these, Zoya tries to maintain her professionalism and sense of humor rather than take offence: “Normally I reply with something like ‘if you’d like to have your penis checked, you should consult a urologist, not a psychologist.’ ”
Zoya says she’s very close to her family, and has their support.
“I always tell them in advance what I am planning, so there won’t be any surprises,” she said. “My father really believes in what I do and for me, that’s all that matters. Having the support of my family makes me calmer.”
Three years ago, Zoya went through a divorce, a difficult time in anyone’s life, especially for an expert on human interaction.
“In Indonesia, being a psychologist is a little like being like a priest,” she said. “People expect you to always be right — they were so quick to point the finger and ask, ‘How come your marriage failed? You’re a sex psychologist.’ ”
Zoya said she considered giving up her job. But in the end, not only did she continue her job but she also found love again.
She felt as if she owed it to herself and to the discussion of sexuality at large, given there are no other outspoken sex psychologists in Indonesia.
“Sometimes people tend to be quite intimidated when they meet me,” she said, laughing. “Because I talk about a penis and a vagina the same way I talk about a pair of new shoes. It’s my job. I don’t mean it in a vulgar way.”
Zoya has students and clients who rely on her and believe she’s doing something very important and useful for the nation.
“Some of my students call me in the middle of the night, asking for help,” Zoya said.
“For example, a girl might want to have sex with her boyfriend, even though they’re not married yet. She’ll call wanting my opinion about it.”
But Zoya said that it was crucial for her to stay as neutral as possible.
“I’m not encouraging anybody to have sex before marriage,” she said. “But I am also not telling them not to. The only thing I can say is, ‘OK, if you really want to do this, then at least be safe and use a condom.’ ”
“Because in the end, it’s everybody’s own decision.
“I can give advice, but I’m not going to tell anybody how to run their own life.”
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