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If I were given a choice between marrying my best friend, with whom I have a huge emotional connection, or my good-looking colleague, who I am very much physically attracted to, I would probably take the first option because I believe the secret to a successful marriage, or any long-term relationship, is mutual trust and friendship.

That doesn’t mean, however, that physical attraction and desire doesn’t play an important role when it comes to romantic relationships. Those who say that the physical element of a romantic relationship is not important are either lying to themselves or have never experienced (good) sex.

Under normal circumstances, sex is indeed a crucial factor for any couple.

Many people seem to believe in the cliche that it is only men who need the physical relationship with their partners to be as exciting as the emotional one. I don’t think that’s true. I am pretty sure that most women would not be happy with a man who was unable to fulfill her sexual needs.

Seriously, it is not only men who enjoy having sex. Women are perfectly able to find pleasure in it too.

The formula is simple, really. A man and a woman should be able to find a good balance and realize that a healthy sex life is just as important in a relationship as other values like communication, mutual trust and respect. Because if you only have one or the other, the relationship is doomed — unless you are not looking for something long term to begin with.

But I also think that the sex drives of both men and women change over time. When a couple has just started dating, everything feels new and fresh, and that also carries over into the bedroom. In the beginning, men and women often find they can’t keep their hands off each other and would rather engage in sexual activities than have meaningful conversations.

After spending months, years or even decades together, this excitement is bound to fade as the fire burns down. It is not the end of the world, it’s just the way things are.

That’s why it is so important to be with someone you trust and feel emotionally connected to. As you get older, it is companionship that most people seek.

When the “wild years” are over, it might be enough to simply sit beside one another on the veranda, quietly holding hands, rather than spending the whole day together in bed.

Katrin Figge is deputy features editor at the Jakarta Globe.

From time to time my mother will remind me that sex is not everything in a relationship, especially in a marriage.

“When you grow older you will realize that there are many things that are more important than just sex,” she once told me. Since I didn’t feel like having this kind of conversation with my mother, I responded by nodding, as if I had always been on her side on the matter.

But the truth is, it’s hard for many young people to think that sex is one of the least important elements in a relationship. There’s a saying the young like to use: “Just like money, sex is not everything. But without it, you can’t have anything.”

You may deny it just to make yourself sound less superficial, but deep down inside you know that even the most romantic relationship will taste sour without sex.

But let me finish my argument here — sex doesn’t always mean taking off your shirt and pants and hopping into bed. We should all agree that holding hands is a sexual act, although perhaps at the lowest level.

Women like to complain that men spend too much time thinking about sex. They also like to criticize men who can’t hide their sexual desire during dates, accusing them of always trying to embrace women’s shoulders, or staring at their breasts too long.

My advice to all men out there: Don’t take the criticism too seriously. Because women will always be women. Whether you’re in the United States or in Indonesia, women like to criticize everything men do.

In fact, some women may get suspicious if you don’t make advances. You may give her the wrong impression that you only want to be friends.

It’s a secret about women that only a few men know, but I’ll let you in on it: Although most of them will definitely deny it, women are flattered if they are considered sexually appealing to men.

Another important piece of advice for men: No matter how romantic you think you are, you know you can do more with the help of a little bit of sexual tension. Imagine a perfectly romantic scenario with your beautiful girlfriend. She’s blushing, thinking that she must be the luckiest girl in the world.

But then what? Will you spend hours just staring into each other’s eyes? You know that such a situation requires one desirable, passionate kiss. If both of you are ready for the next stage, then why not?

Tasa Nugraza Barley is a features reporter at the Jakarta Globe.