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The Thinker: Let's Talk About Sex
Lies Marcoes | February 08, 2012

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bule4you
8:21am Feb 12, 2012

Oh and just incidentally jpb, insulting the living, me, any better or different than insulting the dead? Just a thought. If anyone wants to cut anything out, take a good look at yourself.

bule4you
4:34am Feb 12, 2012

padt is correct in his reasoning and JBP is either just very opinionated, critical to a fault and is not in at all grasping and understanding the situation. I'll make it clear just so are better informed,JPB. When 2 Muslims marry, then they should be number one to each other, love and respect, etc. My wife was at that time still at a very good university, UII, on an English program (very smart woman, 19 going on 40).

Now, let me tell you about responsibility....I gave up a very good life in the UK to move to Indonesia to marry her and be with our son, so that they weren't going to be an embarrassment to their family. What I didn't know before we were married in the mosque, was exactly how religiously fanatical her family was, and surprise surprise, as a new convert to the religion came as quite a shock to me. My dear wife seemed more keen to impress her large blood family than her new husband, and what with her career and uni, meant we couldn't spend much time together. It didn't work

padt
3:19pm Feb 11, 2012

JPB - you write: "I was incensed because he seems to abhore even the largely symbolic act of marry the woman who was having his baby("sad but true")." If you read his comment again you will see that logically the words 'sad but true' refer to the fact that they divorced (sadly) because forced marriages (the pressure of her parents) don't guarantee a continuous and happy nmarriage.(true) He was not disparaging marriage - he was regreting that their's didn't work.

You really have got the wrong end of the stick.

As for kids growing up being called bastards - that no longer happens in civilized countries where people are tolerant and non judgemental. They are called 'love children'.

You advise everyone to take responsibility for their actions.

You need to take responsibility for the fact that you seem incapable of reading and understanding what a person writes clearly, rather than imposing onto it your indignant moral and prejudiced interpreation of it to suit your world view.


justapasserby
2:46pm Feb 11, 2012

Hey, cut it all up. Don't insult people who is dead. OK Perhaps the language was a bit harsh, sorry for that. I am not going to go into a (proxy) insult war on the internet over a comment. I was incensed because he seems to abhor even the largely symbolic act of marrying the woman who was having his baby ("sad bad true?"). In my opinion, the exact point when you impregnate such a young person (do you forget that this also means that she will most likely never go to college, or will at least do it poorly, hence no decent jobs, all the more reason for you to man up and marry her), marrying her no longer a matter of love or no love, but more a matter of responsibility. Do you want another kid grow up being called "bast*rd" all his life? This is a very conservative place. Love is not a free pass to do every thing in this world, so everyone please think carefully before doing something you might not want to take responsibility for.

RuleBritannia
2:15pm Feb 11, 2012

JPB - I sincerely hope you never achieve any position of power or are involved in anyway in the education system.

Aisyiyah, the women’s wing of Muhammadiyah, recently released results of a study it did on adolescent sexuality in Yogyakarta’s Bantul district. Pointing to the widespread practice of girls marrying in their teens and even below the legal age of 16, the study makes for a worrying read.

The research, conducted through questionnaires distributed to 717 students aged 14 to 21 at various schools in Bantul and followed up with focus group discussions (FGD), indicates that adolescents have very little knowledge about their bodies and their sexuality, and that this correlates with a high rate of underage marriages.

The research also shows that many young people remain strongly attached to a variety of reproductive health myths. These are related to such phenomena as menstruation, but also to pregnancy and its prevention.

Data from the Banguntapan, Dlingo and Kasihan subdistricts shows high rates of both marriage and pregnancies below the age of 20. The level of young marriages in Bantul can also be seen from the large number of “dispensations” issued by the Bantul Religious Court to grant permission for such marriages. Although the age requirements set out in the Marriage Law are violated, the dispensations are unavoidable because these young couples will need marriage certificates to arrange their children’s birth certificates.

In the Dlingo subdistrict, most of the FGD participants had not received any formal information about reproduction. What little they did know, they had learned from friends or the Internet.

According to data collected by Aisyiyah from the Bantul Religious Court, there were only ten requests for such age dispensations in 2000, but 115 such cases in 2010. While this could suggest increased public awareness of the importance of documentation of marriages, the facts on the ground still indicate a high number of underage marriages. FGDs with adolescents in Kasihan and Dlingo revealed several reasons why many marry young. 

Some cited a desire to reduce the financial burden on parents, fear of becoming an “old maid” and the myth of loss of virginity through repeated menstruation. The No. 1 reason cited, however, was unwanted pregnancy. 

In any case, the research underlines that unwanted pregnancies occur due to youngsters’ — and their parents’ — lack of proper knowledge about sexual and reproductive health. Another FGD, with religious court judges and Religious Affairs Office (KUA) officials in Bantul, found many reasons why it was difficult for KUA officers to prevent underage marriages.

These include poverty, and the desire of farming communities to have an additional source of unpaid labor; traditional attitudes such as concerns that one’s daughter may become an old maid; the lack of outreach by village and subdistrict officials to promote a later age of marriage, and lack of funding for such outreach efforts; and geographical factors making it difficult for KUA officials to meet in person with the prospective bride when couples register for marriage.

It is pointless simply to complain about the situation, or for the parties concerned to blame one another. What is needed, clearly, is education. The new data proves once again what health activists have long been shouting: that education on reproductive health is essential.

Though some people still reject this idea, claiming it would be tantamount to teaching young people how to have sex, the only way to prevent unwanted pregnancies, and consequently underage marriages, is to provide accurate, appropriate information about sexuality. Based on Islamic jurisprudence, this can in fact be categorized as an emergency situation: it is far better to choose the path of the lesser adverse impact.

Other concrete steps would be to increase local government budgets for the dissemination of information or to expand counseling institutions for adolescents, and not just in major cities. Perhaps (female) KUA administrative personnel or village officials could be encouraged to serve as reproductive health counselors for young people.

Finally, we need to end discrimination in medical family-planning services, which currently are only accessible to married couples. This may be a controversial proposal for some, but it is unavoidable. Our young people are being led astray by misleading information about sex, with disastrous consequences. 

Lies Marcoes is a senior program officer at The Asia Foundation and a researcher at Rumah Kita Bersama Bekasi.